Travis County Democratic Party—An online resource for getting involved in Democratic Party politics in the Austin, Texas area, including upcoming events, blogs, and constantly updated news.

 

Did he/she really say that? What does it mean? Huh?!?

Welcome to The Daily Head-Scratcher. This is an opportunity to share a smile, a fist-shaking outrage and, yes, a head-scratching over something truly outrageous a Republican has said. We will update the page frequently because, as all Democrats know, there is no end to the amazingly ridiculous things the opposition often says.

Welcome to the Daily Head-Scratcher! We hope you enjoy!

* * * * * * *
They’re coming to take away your guns..They’re coming to hijack your rights and freedoms.
(Texas Republican Party Chair, Steve Munisteri on Battleground TX)

* * * * * * *

‘We are Not Going to Give Up on Destroying the Health Care System’ Paul Ryan

* * * * * * *

“My posterior was shredded a little bit by donors wondering why we are writing checks for people who then turn around and run such lousy campaigns,” said Karl Rove of his fellow Republicans in the 2012 campaign. (2.27.13, Dallas Morning News)

* * * * * * *
“There were fewer declared Republicans in the faculty when we were there than Communists!” Ted Cruz, describing his alma mater, Harvard University.

“Time for gun education in schools. Call it Triggernometry.” Attorney General Greg Abbott on Twitter (2.15.13)

* * * * * * *

“Republicans do need to make progress with Hispanic voters. But immigration is exactly the wrong subject to use to attract Hispanic support.” Rep. Lamar Smith (Politico, 2.15.13)

* * * * * * *
“Universal background checks is actually a policy that’s been put in place, historically, to lead to confiscation of guns. It’s the most dangerous attack on freedom I’ve seen since I’ve been in Congress.” Rep. Paul Broun (R-Ga.) to Slate, after the State of Union Address, 2.12.13

* * * * * * *

“I’m just trying to see, and I don’t know if it’s your purview or I need to check with the TEA where that falls in line to make sure we’re not just teaching that evolution is our only—because we can measure—to me obviously, if I was creating anything and had a good model like DNA, I’d use it. And just tweak it a bit, and have a monkey here and a fish here, whatever.” Rep. Donna Campbell (allegedly a doctor) questioning the chairman of the SBOE on the teaching of creationism. (AP, 2.11.13)

* * * * * * * *

“There is a tea party wing that’s interested in not sending money to people who are not acting like our allies,” Sen. Rand Paul said, trying to make the case that his Tea Party response to the State of the Union (following Sen. Marco Rubio’s official Republican response) would not reflect division within the Republican Party. (CNN, 2.10.13)

* * * * * * * *

Removing the ban on gays in the Boy Scouts is “another example of the left attempting to remove God from all areas of public life,” said former Senator Rick Santorum. (2.4.13, World Net Daily)

* * * * * * *

“Sen. Kerry has a long history of liberal positions that are not consistent with a majority of Texans.” Spokesperson Megan Mitchell, attempting to explain Sen. Cornyn’s “no” vote (one of only three) on Kerry’s nomination for Secretary of State. (DMN, 1.29.13)

* * * * * * *

“It’s not a living document. It’s dead, dead, dead.” Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, speaking about the U.S. Constitution at SMU (Dallas Morning News, 1.29.13)

* * * * * * *
“We must stop being the stupid party.” Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal at the Republican National Committee winter meeting (CNN, 1.24.13)

* * * * * * *

“There is no one who doesn’t have health care in America. No one.” Republican Mississippi Gov. Phil Bryant. (Politico, 1.23.13)

* * * * * * *

Rep. Steve Stockman (R-Tex.), who has threatened to initiate impeachment proceedings against Obama over his gun-control proposals, condemned what he described as Obama’s “anti-gun sneak attack” and promised a legislative battle to protect “the God-given right to keep and bear arms.” (Washington Post, 1.16.13)

* * * * * * *
“They’ve taken everybody’s guns but the Swiss and the American people. And when they get our guns, they can have their world tyranny while the government buys 1.6 billion bullets, armored vehicles, tanks, helicopters, predator drones, armed now in U.S. skies, being used to arrest people in North Dakota.” Conspiracy crackpot Alex Jones on CNN’s “Piers Morgan” (1.7.13)

* * * * * *

In a vote to protest the re-election of Rep. John Boehner as House Speaker, Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Texas) voted for defeated and disgraced Rep. Allan West (R-Fla.) (Politico, 1.3.13)

* * * * * * *

“Politicians pass laws for gun-free school zones, they issue press releases bragging about them … in doing so they tell every insane killer in America that schools are the safest place to inflict maximum mayhem with minimum risk,” said National Rifle Association’s Wayne LaPierre at a press conference in Washington, where he called for armed guards at all public schools in the wake of the Sandy Hook massacre. (12.21.12)

* * * * * * *

“I think either Rick Perry or I would have probably done better against Obama.” Newt Gingrich, in yet another assessment of Romney’s loss. (Huffington Post, 12.20.12)

* * * * * *

“I wish to God she had had an m-4 in her office, locked up so when she heard gunfire, she pulls it out … and takes him out and takes his head off before he can kill those precious kids.” Rep. Louie Gohmert (Politico, 12.15.12)

* * * * * * *

“Obama will be on a very short leash, fiscally speaking, over the next four years. He’s not going to have any fun at all; he may just have to go blow up small countries he can’t pronounce because it won’t be any fun to be here, because he won’t be able to spend the kind of cash he was hoping to.” Grover Norquist (Politico, 12.16.12)

* * * * * * *
“If we cannot have moral feelings against homosexuality, can we have it against murder?” Justice Antonin Scalia, hawking his book at Princeton. (AP, 12.12.12)

* * * * * * * *

“Nobody liked Romney except voters,” said former Romney campaign honcho Stuart Stevens in an op-ed countering Republican criticism. (Washington Post, 11.27.12)

* * * * * * *

“Australia can survive on their own, and I don’t think we’ll have any problem at all surviving on our own in Texas.” Larry Scott Kilgore, secessionist candidate for Texas governor (Texas Tribune, 11.26.12)

* * * * * * *

“We’ve got to give our political organizational activity a very serious, um, proctology exam. We need to look everywhere.” Haley Barbour’s post-election analysis of the Republican  defeat. (CNN, 11.14.12)

* * * * * * *

“The President won by suppressing voters,” Karl Rove said the day after the election. (CNN, Fox News, etc., 11.7.12)

* * * * * * *

“The voters have not endorsed the failures or excesses of the President’s first term, they have simply given him more time to finish the job they asked him to do together with a Congress that restored balance to Washington after two years of one-party control.”  Sen. Mitch McConnell, who famously said in ’08 that his top priority was to deny Obama a second term, after the 2012 victory! (Washington Post, 11.7.12)

* * * * * * *

“It’s a perplexing time for many of us,” said the always insightful Sarah Palin as President Obama won a decisive second term. (Huffington Post, 11/6/12)

* * * * * * *

“Obama’s vision compromises our Judeo-Christian, Western civilization values.” Paul Ryan. (Huffington Post, 11.5.12)

* * * * * * *

“President Obama should resign,” said Rudy Giuliana at a campaign speech on behalf of Mitt Romney. (CNN, 11.3.12). So that’s their campaign strategy!!

* * * * * * *

“I came to realize life is a gift from God, and I think even when life begins in that horrible situation of rape, that it is something that God intended to happen.” Republican Indiana State Treasurer and US Senate Candidate Richard Mourdock (endorsed by Mitt Romney). CNN, 10.23.12

* * * * * * *

“There’s no such exception as life of the mother, and as far as health of the mother, same thing, with advances in science and technology. Health of the mother has been, has become a tool for abortions any time under any reason.” – Rep. Joe Walsh, R-Ill. (CNN, 10.19.12)

* * * * * * *

“We will not allow atheist groups from outside of the state of Texas to use menacing and misleading intimidation tactics to try to bully schools to bow down at the altar of secular beliefs,” Attorney General Greg Abbott  as he announced the state has joined the battle over religious expression at an East Texas school. (Texas Tribune, 10.17.12)

* * * * * * *

“We don’t have people that become ill, who die in their apartment because they don’t have insurance.” Mitt Romney in an interview with the Columbus Dispatch. (10.7. 12)

* * * * * * *

“You can kill things and still like them.” Former presidential candidate Rick Santorum, defending Mitt Romney’s debate declaration that he would pull funding from PBS and thus kill Big Bird. (CNN, 10.4.12)

* * * * * * *

“I’ll either go up or I’ll go down. It’s unlikely that we’ll just stay the same.” Mitt Romney, analyzing his losing place in the new polls. (“60 Minutes,” 9.23.12)

* * * * * * *

Conservative columnist and former Republican speechwriter Peggy Noonan had this to say about the Romney Campaign: “I called it incompetent, but only because I was being polite. I really meant rolling calamity.” (Politico, 9.21.12)

* * * * * * *

Herman Cain, who dropped out of the primary in early December 2011, says he would have a “substantial lead by now” over President Obama if he were the Republican nominee. (CNN, 9.21.12)

* * * * * * *

“If somebody is dumb enough to ask me to go to political convention and say something, they’re gonna have to take what they get,” said Clint Eastwood of his RNC speech in an interview Tuesday (Sept. 18) with the television show “Extra.”

* * * * * * *

“There are 47 percent who are with him, who are dependent on government … These are people who pay no income tax. My job is is not to worry about those people. I’ll never convince them they should take personal responsibility and care for their lives.” Mitt Romney to millionaire donors at a secret fundraiser (Mother Jones, 9.15.12)

* * * * * * *

“President Obama is the greatest hoax ever perpetrated on the American people,” Clint Eastwood said, more than a week after his much derided RNC speech to an empty chair. (CNN, 9.7.12)

* * * * * * *

“I think he diminished himself by even mentioning my name. How does he even know my name?” Sarah Palin, responding to John Kerry’s DNC speech. (Fox News, 9.6.12).

* * * * * * *

“We’re not going to let our campaign be dictated by a bunch of fact-checkers.” Romney advisor responding to media charges of lies and distortions from his campaign. (Politico, 9.2.12)

* * * * * * *

“Sue, baby, sue. I want to say let’s just keep suing those guys,” Texas Comptroller Susan Combs told the Texas delegates at the Republican convention in Tampa, Fla. –  soon after the Federal courts rule against Texas in the redistricting and Voter ID cases! (Texas Tribune, 9.2.12)

* * * * * * *

“It seems like all we do is sue the federal government right now,” Rick Perry said to the Texas delegation at the RNC. (Texas Tribune, 8.31.12)

* * * * * * *

Romney pollster Neil Newhouse, defending the campaign’s blatantly false ads claiming President Obama removed work requirements from welfare, said, “We’re not going to let our campaign be dictated by fact-checkers.” (CNN, 8.29.12)

* * * * * *

“These people who still have that addiction to the hope-ium that he had promised, that hope-y, change-y stuff that was really bogus four years ago.” Sarah Palin, slamming supporters of President Obama. (Fox News, 8.27.12)

“We need to prosecute the president on what he promised and what he delivered,” said Reince Priebus, RNC Chairman, on CBS’s “This Morning.” (8.27.12)

* * * * * * *

“He’s going to try to hand over the sovereignty of the United States to the U.N., and what is going to happen when that happens? I’m thinking the worst. Civil unrest, civil disobedience, civil war maybe. And we’re not just talking a few riots here and demonstrations, we’re talking Lexington, Concord, take up arms and get rid of the guy.” Judge Tom Head, warning that President Obama’s re-election will start a civil war. (Huffington Post, 8.22.12)

* * * * * * *

Rep. Todd Akin, Republican nominee for the U.S. Senate in Missouri, on pregnancy in rape victims: “From what I understand from doctors, that’s really rare,” said Akin said of pregnancy caused by rape. “If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.” (Washington Post, 8.19.12)

* * * * * * *

“I don’t particularly dislike him as a person,” Newt Gingrich said of Mitt Romney (MSNBC, 8.9.12)

* * * * * * *

“Most running backs know the reason they were successful is that there was a real good interior lineman who was looking for holes. I see that as my role.” Rick Perry, who has not been invited to speak at the RNC, on how he can help Mitt Romney. (New York Times, 8.8.12)

* * * * * * *

“I never once have seen an Hispanic panhandler, because in our community it would be viewed as shameful to be out on the street begging.” Seriously? Ted Cruz, Republican US Senate Candidate (Politico, 8.5.12)

* * * * * * *

“The argument that diversity is our strength has really never been backed up by logic,” Rep. Steven King of  Iowa told The Huffington Post. “It’s unity is where our strength is. Our Founding Fathers understood that. Modern-day multi-culturalists are defying that.” (8.5.12)

* * * * * * * *

“Sometimes you’re the Louisville Slugger, baby, and sometimes you’re the ball,” Palin said. “Evidently, in these last months, per many many comments from those within the GOP establishment, I’m the ball.” Sarah Palin, responding to Dick Cheney’s criticism. (Fox News, 8.1.12)

* * * * * * *

Texas Agriculture Commissioner Todd Staples called a U.S. Department of Agriculture message to encourage Meatless Mondays “treasonous.” (Austin American-Statesman, 7.27.12)

* * * * * * *

Sen. Jon Kyl claimed that President Obama’s usage of the phrase “middle class” is “misguided and wrong and even dangerous.” Calling for an end to rhetoric about class, Kyl blasted Obama for “incessantly talking about  the middle class.” (U.S. Senate floor, 7.23.12)

* * * * * * *

“More people are killed in automobiles every year than with guns. I don’t hear anybody talking about banning automobiles.” Former Texas Republican Congressman Dick Armey, in the wake of the Aurora, Colo. massacre. (Politico, 7.25.12)

Pennsylvania GOP House Majority Leader Mike Turzai fueled the concerns of anti-voter ID activists earlier this year when he claimed that the recently enacted measure would “allow Gov. [Mitt] Romney to win the state of Pennsylvania.” (Huffington Post, 7.24.12)

* * * * * * *

“That’s a great question and I’m going to have to look into it. Personally, I like to flip a switch and have my electricity and I know you do, too.” Texas Senate Candidate Donna Campbell, responding to a question about electricity shortages. (San Marcos Mercury, 7.23.12)

* * * * * * *

“Anyone that is a Muslim is a threat to this country, and that’s a fact. There is no such thing as a moderate Muslim.” Arizona Tea Party Chairman Wes Harris. (Arizona Capitol Times, 7.22.12)

* * * * * * *

“I would keep not a single word of Obamacare,” Ted Cruz said in the Republican US Senate debate. “The Supreme Court’s decision upholding it was a tragic day for liberty.” (Houston Chronicle, 7.23.12)

* * * * * * *

Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Texas) said Friday that the shootings that took place in an Aurora, Colo. movie theater hours earlier were a result of “ongoing attacks on Judeo-Christian beliefs” and questioned why nobody else in the theater had a gun to take down the shooter. (Huffington Post, 7.20.12)

* * * * * * *

“We’ve given all you people need to know and understand about our financial situation and how we live our life.” Ann Romney on “Good Morning America” (7.19.12)

“The President doesn’t give a damn about middle-class Americans who are out there looking for work.” Rep. John Boehner, who has led the obstruction of all legislation proposed by President Obama to help unemployed middle-class Americans. (Huffington Post. 7.18.12)

* * * * * * *

“I wish this president would learn how to be an American.” John Sununu, co-chair of Romney’s campaign (CNN, 7.17.12)

* * * * * * *

Once again we hear from Rep. Allen West of Florida: “Social Security is a form of modern, 21st-century slavery.” (MSNBC, 7.8.12)

* * * * * * *

After Rep. Allen West claimed that President Obama wants Americans to be his “slaves,” Republican National Chairman Reince Preibus praised West as “one of the most dynamic new Republican stars in our party. He’s got a bright future.” (CNN, 7.3.12)

* * * * * * *

“I made a lot of friends and learned a lot on the presidential campaign trail, and that experience would come in handy if I decide to run again in four years.” Oops! Governor Perry still doesn’t get it. (Southeast Missourian, 7.2.12)

* * * * * * *

“Just because a couple people on the Supreme Court declare something to be ‘constitutional’ does not make it so. The whole thing remains unconstitutional.”  Sen. Rand Paul’s statement following the Supreme Court ruling on Affordable Care Act.

* * * * * *

“You have a president who is using his executive privilege to keep that information from Congress. If that’s not Nixonian, then I don’t know what is,” Rick Perry said on CBS’ “Face the Nation.” (6.24.12)

* * * * * * *

“We need a new planet called Stupider, and I need to put Nancy Pelosi on it as the mayor of the whole planet.” Rush Limbaugh on his radio show (Politico, 6.21.12)

* * * * * * *

“Elephants are among my favorites, partly because I’m Republican and partly because I’m big. Elephants make me feel like I’m the right size.” Newt Gingrich, at the zoo (ABC News, 6.19.12)

* * * * * * *

“Barack Obama and the values he represents and the amateurish incompetence he has proven are a direct threat to the survival to America as we know it, and defeating him is a national, patriotic duty.” Newt Gingrich said at the Faith and Freedom Coalition conference in Washington, D.C. (CNN, 6.15.12)

* * * * * *

Polls and factual analysis to the contrary, Gov. Rick Perry says: “We will become majority Hispanic, but they will become Republicans.” (Politico, 6.14.12)

* * * * * * * *

“The president is really out of touch with what’s happening across America.” Mitt Romney, who recently installed elevators in his garage for his cars. (Politico, 6.12.13)

“I’m the ‘The Dean of the University of Common Sense.’ ” Herman Cain, announcing his new radio show that will replace Neal Boortz.

* * * * * *

“Let’s hurl some acid at those female democratic Senators who won’t abide the mandates they want to impose on the private sector.” Jay Townsend, campaign spokesman for Rep. Nan Hayworth, R-N.Y. (6.2.12)

* * * * * *

“I have  very large Twitter.” Donald Trump, touting the ridiculous “birther” issue, on Fox News (5.30.12)

* * * * * *

“Mitt Romney is a lot like Eisenhower,” said former Republican candidate Newt Gingrich. (MSNBC, 5.24.12)

* * * * * * *

Craig James, Candidate for US Senate from Texas: “Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton are negotiating with the United Nations about doing a treaty that will ban the use of firearms.” (Austin American Statesman, 5.18.12)

* * * * * *

“One of the problems the Republican Party has had is that we’re too fast to compromise,” U.S. Rep. Blake Farenthold said at a forum. (Texas Tribune, 5.17.12)

* * * * * *

“We will continue to take leadership positions, win delegates, and carry a strong message to the Republican National Convention that Liberty is the way of the future.” Rep. Ron Paul, ending his presidential run. (Politico, 5.15.12)

* * * * * *

“We’ve arrived at a point where the President of the United States is going to lead a war on traditional marriage.” Rush Limbaugh (Huffington Post, 5.9.12)

* * * * * *

“I’ll take a lot of credit that this industry’s come back,” said Mitt Romney — in spite of the fact that he previously said the ailing auto industry should “go bankrupt.” (CNN, 5.8.12)

* * * * * *

Crossroads GPS, the political ad-buying organization founded by Republican strategist Karl Rove in 2010, has officially submitted its first tax forms with the Internal Revenue Service, and the group is formally requesting that the IRS treat it as a nonprofit operating under section 501(c)(4) of the tax code. Rove says Crossroads is a “grassroots advocacy” organization!! (Politico, 5.7.12)

* * * * * *

“I would never trade the governorship of the State of Texas to go to Washington other than the presidential role,” said Rick Perry, proving once again that his humiliating run for the White House just didn’t compute. (5.3.12, KXAN)

* * * * * * *

Congressman Allen West (R-Fla.) has compared Democrats to Nazis, said dozens of his Democratic colleagues are communists and called a congresswoman vile and despicable. He said President Barack Obama is “probably the dumbest person walking around in America” and described himself as the modern day Harriet Tubman leading black voters away from Democrats who keep them on the plantation. (Miami Herald, 4.29.12)

* * * * * *

“Their one mission in life is to abort children, is to kill children in the womb.” Mississippi’s Republican Governor Phil Bryant, on pro-choice supporters. (AP, 4.24.12)

* * * * * * *

Former Dallas Mayor Tom Leppert refers to his fellow Republican candidates for the U.S. Senate (David Dewhurst, Ted Cruz and Craig James) as “empty suits.” (Leppert Campaign ad)

* * * * * * *

“I have to put a huge sticker on my buildings to say this is a smoke-free environment. Remember Hitler used to put Star of David on everybody’s lapel, remember that? Same thing.” Republican US Senate candidate John Raese of West Virginia.

* * * * * * *

“If Barack Obama is elected, I’ll either be dead or in jail this time next year,” said right-wing nut-job Ted Nugent. Secret Service is now investigating the Republican rocker. (Politico, 4.17.12)

* * * * * *

“The dog loved it,” Ann Romney said. “He would see that crate and, you know, he would, like, go crazy because he was going with us on vacation.” Poor Seamus. ABC News, 4.15.12

* * * * * *

“I believe there’s about 78 to 81 members of the Democratic Party that are members of the Communist Party,” said Rep Allen West, R-Florida. (Politico, 4.11.12)

* * * * * * *

“It wasn’t a question of money – that particular bank account was closed. It was just one of those goofy things.” Newt Gingrich, explaining why his $500 check for the Utah primary filing fee bounced. (CNN, 4.11.12)

* * * * * * *

“It was not less, but it was not as much.” Texas Comptroller Susan Combs on education cutbacks (The Eagle, 4.6.12)

* * * * * *

“People need to be having better jobs, they need to make more money, they need to be more prosperous and it’s the Republican Party that wants to help everybody.” RNC Chairman Reince Priebus (Politico, 4.5.12)

* * * * * * * *

“Whether Rick Santorum stays in or not, is now basically irrelevant, and Mitt has a lot of ground to make up,” John McCain said on CNN (4.3.12)

* * * * * * *

“If you haven’t cursed out a New York Times reporter during the course of a campaign, you’re not really a real Republican’s the way I look at it.” Rick Santorum said on Fox News, 3.26.12

* * * * * * *

“Obama is the most dangerous American alive.” Dallas billionaire and Republican donor Harold Simmons (Wall Street Journal, 3.23.12)

* * * * * *

Rick Santorum  said Republicans should give President Barack Obama another term if  he, Santorum, isn’t the GOP nominee. (AP, 3.22.12)

* * * * * * *

“I don’t care what the unemployment rate’s going to be. Doesn’t matter to me.” Rick Santorum, campaigning in Illinois. (Politico, 3.20.12)

* * * * * *

“The issue in this race is not the economy,” Rick Santorum said on the campaign trail after receiving news that the economy is indeed turning around. (Huffington Post, 3.19.12)

* * * * * * *

“What you’ll see is a much clearer definition of a visionary conservative, as compared to the more traditional Romney-Santorum conservatism. We need a visionary leader with very big and bold ideas. This is a very big, very bold country.” Newt Gingrich, re-tooling his failing campaign, yet again. (3.16.12, Politico)

“Planned Parenthood, we’re going to get rid of that.” Mitt Romney, campaigning before the Mississippi and Alabama primaries. (Politico, 3.14.12)

* * * * * * *

“I do not believe the other two candidates can beat Obama and I believe this race is the most important in our lifetime. And I will not leave the field.” Newt Gingrich, on the eve of the Alabama-Mississippi primaries (Huffington Post, 3.12.12)

* * * * * * * *

Defending Sarah Palin, his choice for V-P in the 2008 election, John McCain countered “Game Change,” the book and HBO movie that portrayed her as hopelessly inept, by insisting she was the “best qualified.” He went on: “I admire and respect her and I’m proud of our campaign. I’m grateful she ran with me.” (CNN, 3.11.12)

* * * * * *

“I am learning to say y’all, and I like grits.” Mitt Romney campaigning in Mississippi before the March 13 primary. (CNN)

* * * * * *

“That’s like losing a couple of french fries in the container when it’s delivered to you in the drive thru. You don’t even notice it.” Rush Limbaugh, on the loss of 40 advertisers for his radio show after he called a Georgetown University student a “slut” and a “prostitute.” (Politico, 3.7.12)

* * * * * * *

“I think he’s a totally overrated fool. I think this guy is so overrated. I don’t think he’s really smart, he looks smart with the little glasses and hair swept to the side,” Donald Trump on Fox News, assessing conservative analyst/author George Will  (3.5.12)

* * * * * * *

Rush Limbaugh called the Georgetown University Law School student testifying on women’s health care a “slut” and a “prostitute.” The next day he said “if the government has to pay her to have sex, she should post videos of it so we all can see.” Then he apologized … sort of. But only after his radio show’s sponsors dropped him.

* * * * * * *

“Real happiness is not doing whatever you want. In many ways it’s self-sacrificial.” Rick Santorum on the campaign trail in Michigan.

* * * * * *

“Cheerful.” Newt Gingrich’s one-word description of himself in the Arizona Debate (CNN, 2.22.12)

* * * * * *

Rick Santorum says prenatal testing results in abortions, birth control is harmful to women and parents should home-school their children instead of sending them to “anachronistic” public schools. (widely reported Feb. 17-19, 2012)

* * * * * *

“The Republican Party is extremely pro-women,” Former presidential contender Michele Bachmann said on CNN’s “State of the Union.”

* * * * * *

“You know, back in my days, they used Bayer aspirin for contraception. The gals put it between their knees, and it wasn’t that costly.” Foster Friess, major donor to Rick Santorum’s presidential campaign. (2.16.12, Politico)

* * * * * *

Rick Perry says he “absolutely” will consider another run for the White House,” adding that it was “by far the most exhilarating thing that I’ve ever done.” (ABC News, 2.13.12)

* * * * * *

“I was a severely conservative governor of Massachusetts,” Mitt Romney boasts frequently on the campaign trail. His Republican competitors say they have no idea what that means.

* * * * * *

“A candidate I am no more, but a committed Tenth Amendment conservative I will be until the last breath I breathe.” Rick Perry, attempting to speak English at CPAC. (2.9.12)

* * * * * *

“I haven’t left the fight,” he said. “I went home, I reloaded my mag, and I am fighting on different front.” Rick Perry, at CPAC in DC (2.9.12)

* * * * * *

“I was the perfect candidate.” Michele Bachmann on her ill-fated run for president. (CNN, 2.7.12)

* * * * * *

“Your campaign is sinking faster than an Italian Cruise ship. I don’t know if anyone is telling you what is going on in your campaign but right now it is a disaster.” Tea Party Nation chief Judson Phillips in an open letter to Newt Gingrich (Politico, 2.6.12)

* * * * * *

“If it’s an honest rape, that individual should go immediately to the emergency room.” Ron Paul explaining his philosophy on allowing abortion in the case of a rape-induced pregnancy. (MSNBC, 2.5.12)

* * * * * *

Newt Gingrich rolled out a new attack line: Mitt Romney  eliminated serving kosher food for elderly Jewish residents under Medicare.” (Politico, 1.30.12)

* * * * * *

“By the end of my second term, we will have the first permanent base on the moon, and it will be American. Of course, we would have a manned colony on the moon that flew an American flag.” Newt Gingrich, on the campaign trail in Florida (Huffington Post, 1.25.12)

* * * * * *

Grilled on CNN about his belief that abortion should be banned, even for women who become pregnant from rape, Rick Santorum said “women should make the best of a bad situation.” (CNN, 1.21.12)

* * * * * *

“I get speakers fees from time to time, but not very much.” Mitt Romney describing his income on nine speeches he made last year that earned him $374,327.62. (Politico, 1.17.12)

* * * * * *

“God is God. Family is family. And the Constitution is the Constitution,” said Republican US Senate contender and former ESPN guy Craig James on his campaign’s philosophy. (Austin American-Statesman, 1.13.12)

* * * * * *

“Today’s ruling is a victory for all who stand in defense of life.” But not a victory for women. Rick Perry, on the appellate court’s ruling that the terribly invasive pre-abortion sonogram law in Texas can be implemented. (CNN, 1/10/12)

* * * * * *

“Unemployment has dropped because of widespread optimism that Republicans will take back the White House.” Rick Santorum, on the campaign trail responding to the new jobs report from the White House. (Politico, 1/6/12)

* * * * * *

“I love grits! Anita Perry, the day after her husband signaled he was ending his campaign after the defeat in Iowa — before deciding to continue it in South Carolina.

* * * * * *

On the last day of Iowa campaigning, Mitt Romney tries to sound culturally relevant: “The gap between his promises and his performance is the largest I’ve seen since, well, the Kardashian wedding and the promise of ’til death do us part.” (Politico, 1/2/12)

* * * * * *

“I’m going to be America’s Iron Lady.” Michele Bachmann touting herself the equal of Britain’s Margaret thatcher in her final campaign ad in Iowa. (1/2/12)

* * * * * *

“If Ron Paul wins Iowa, Ron Paul will have won Iowa. I will not have won Iowa.” Mitt Romney’s deep analysis of what will happen at the Jan. 3 Iowa caucuses. (Politico, 12.29.11)

* * * * * *

“Congress and the president need to retake back their power and authority and resubmit legislation and work it through … The Supreme Court can’t arbitrarily tell us what the law of the land is.” Michele Bachmann, on how she would react if the Supreme Court struck down “Personhood legislation.” (Huffington Post, 12.28.11)

* * * * * *

“You are Biblically charged to take your values into the public arena.” Rick Perry, campaigning at a church service in Iowa.

* * * * * *

“I know the other candidates have said they need your help and support. They’re lying. I need your help and support.” Rick Santorum campaigning in Iowa (Huffington Post, 12.15.11)

* * * * * *

“I am concerned the Obama Administration is playing politics by holding women’s health care hostage because of Texas’ pro-life policies, sacrificing the health of millions of Texas women in the name of their pro-abortion agenda.” Rick Perry (Texas Tribune, 12.13.11)

* * * * * *

“I know a lot of the (debate) moderators and some are wonderful, and some aren’t, but I know the issues better than the moderators,” Donald Trump said on CNN’s “Piers Morgan Tonight.” (12.7.11)

* * * * * *

“I reject that people die in America because of lack of health insurance. People die in America because people die in America. And people make poor decisions with respect to their health and their healthcare.” Rick Santorum, explaining his opposition to helping the poor. (CNN, 12.6.11)

* * * * * *

“Those who are going to be over 21 on November 12th, I ask for your support,” Rick Perry said on the campaign trail in New Hampshire. Voting age, of course, is 18, so maybe he doesn’t like 18- to 20-year-old voters. Oh, and the election is November 6th. Oops. (Washington Post, 11.29.11)

* * * * * *

“I tasted a beer and tried a cigarette once, as a wayward teenager, and never did it again.” — Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney (People, 11.25.11)

* * * * * *

“Africa was a country on the brink.” Rick Santorum, confusing continent and country. (Republican debate, 11.22.11)

* * * * * *

“How do you say delicious in Cuban?” Herman Cain during a Miami campaign swing. (Huffington Post, 11.17.11)

* * * * * *

“In terms of the mechanics of the campaign, nothing has gone wrong.” Herman Cain, blaming his collapsed poll numbers and lack of endorsements on “false accusations” in the media. (Politico, 11.27.11)

* * * * * *

“I’m your man!” Michele Bachmann in Iowa, making her case for the Republican nomination. (CNN, 11.17.11)

* * * * * *

“OK, Libya,” he responded when asked whether he agreed with President Obama’s actions in the region. Eight seconds later, after looking up, biting his lip and blinking repeatedly, Cain asked, “President Obama supported the uprising, correct?” Herman Cain’s “oops” moment with the Milwaukee Journal’s editorial staff. (11.14.11)

* * * * * *

“President Obama is allowing the ACLU to run the CIA.” Michele Bachmann, touting the benefits of torture on NBC’s “Meet the Press” (11.13.11)

* * * * * *

“I stepped in it.” Rick Perry, Michigan debate debacle. (9.9.11)

* * * * * *

“Too many Republicans, they aspire to be ‘frugal socialists.’ ”  Michele Bachmann, criticizing her fellow Republican candidates. (The Hill, 11.7.11)

* * * * * *

“If you want to get this economy going… having just a little bit of support for marriage and families and fatherhood would be a huge step toward that.” Rick Santorum, proposing a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage and abortion. (Huffington Post, 11.6.11)

* * * * * *

“Don’t try to Jew them down.” State Rep. Larry Taylor testifying at a Capitol hearing that TWIA should pay storm claims on time. (11.3.11, Quorum Report).

* * * * * *

“Don’t even bother asking me all these questions you’re curious about.” Herman Cain, responding to press inquiries about sexual harassment allegations. (Huffington Post, 11.2.11)

* * * * * *

“You check out the internet, many people say it is not real. Okay? It’s a forgery.” Donald Trump, still clinging to the notion that President Obama’s birth certificate is not real.  (CNN, 10.25.11)

* * * * * *

Gov. Rick Perry said the Obama “birther” issue was worth “keeping alive” in a CNBC interview. “It’s a good issue to keep alive. It’s fun to poke at him.” (Huffington Post, 10.25.11)

* * * * * *

“I’ll show you coyotes that will come and get in your backyard and eat your little puppy.” Rick Perry, insisting his coyote-killing tale is true. (Parade, 10.23.11)

* * * * * *

“As long as I’ve got memory, I’ve had something to hunt with. It was a long love affair with a boy and his gun that turned into a man and his gun, and then it turned into a man and his son and his daughter and their guns.” Rick Perry, campaigning in Iowa (CNN, 10.22.11)

* * * * * *

“I like my guns and Bible. Ain’t gonna give ‘em up!” Herman Cain (CNN, 10.19.11)

* * * * *

“When I’m in charge, we’re going to have a fence. It’s going to be 20 feet high. It’s going to have barbed wire on the top. It’s going to be electrified, and there’s going to be a sign on the other side that says, ‘It will kill you.’ ” Herman Cain, on his border security plan (Politico, 10.16.11)

* * * * * *

Anita Perry, after complaining that she and Governor Perry have been “brutalized” by their own party during his campaign, said that she sympathizes with the plight of the unemployed because her son was forced to resign his job to take a more active role on his father’s presidential campaign. (CNN, 10.14/11)

* * * * * *

“If it were up to me we would just throw them off the Sunshine Skyway bridge and be done with it.” Florida Rep. Brad Drake, on his proposal to end lethal injection and return to electrocution or firing squads for executions. (Current, 10.12.11)

* * * * * *

“You are black by the color of your skin. You are not homosexual, necessarily, by the color of your skin.” Rick Santorum, insisting that gay rights have nothing to do with civil rights. (Fox News, 10.9.11)

* * * * * *

“Don’t blame Wall Street. Don’t blame the big banks. If you don’t have a job and you’re not rich, blame yourself.” Republican presidential contender Herman Cain (Wall Street Journal, 10.5.11)

* * * * * *

Conservative blogger Ann Coulter lashed out at the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell: “This is not an anti-gay position; it is a pro-military position. Because sexual bonds are disruptive to the military bond.” (Huffington Post, 9.29.11)

* * * * * *

“I’ve got the complete skill set to do this job,” Michele Bachmann told a half-empty hotel ballroom on the campaign trail. (AP, 9.27.11)

* * * * * *

“The Great Society hasn’t done anything for Hispanics. I mean, what has all this compassion done for us?” State Rep. Jose Aliseda (R-Beeville) at Texas Tribune Festival. (9.24.11)

* * * * * *

“Any type of sexual activity has absolutely no place in the military.” Rick Santorum, during the Sept. 22 Republican debate in Florida.

* * * * * *

“I’ve forgotten more about Israel than Rick Perry knows about Israel. There he is, reading a speech that I’m sure he didn’t write, and has never taken a position on any of this stuff before, and [the media is] taking this guy seriously.” Rick Santorum (Politico, 9.20.11)

* * * * * *

State Rep. Aaron Peña, accused of lying about his participation in drawing a super-safe district for himself, attempted to prove his innocence by insisting he “doesn’t even know how to use the map-drawing software.” (Austin American-Statesman, 9.19.11)

* * * * * *

“Whether you agree or disagree with him, this is a man of wisdom and judgment, and he could have been president of the United States. That’s the kind of person I’d like to have — a person of wisdom and judgment.” Mitt Romney, touting Dick Cheney as the kind of person he would choose as Vice President. (Huffington Post, 9.15.11)

* * * * * * *

“I still believe they (the Obama Administration) are Socialist.” Rick Perry in Time interview (9.15.11)

* * * * * *

“Nobody can compete with me about compassion, because I know and understand how free markets and sound money and a sensible foreign policy are the most compassionate systems ever known to mankind.” Ron Paul, explaining his suggestion in the Sept. 12 GOP debate that we should just let uninsured sick people die. (CNN, 9.14.11)

* * * * * * *

In the Sept. 12 GOP debate, Rick Santorum accused Rick Perry of providing education assistance to undocumented immigrants “as an attempt to attract the illegal vote – I mean, the Latino voters.”

* * * * * * *

“Galileo got outvoted for a spell,” Rick Perry said in an attempt to explain his unscientific ideas about climate change. (GOP Debate, 9.7.11)

* * * * * *

When asked about her economic policy at the Sept. 5 Tea Party Debate in South Carolina, Michele Bachmann said, “I believe in profit and actually believe profit is a good thing and that we should encourage that in this country,” (CNN, 9.5.11)

* * * * * *

“Texans, on the other hand, elect folks like me — you know the type, the kind of guy who goes jogging in the morning packing a Ruger .380 with laser sights, loaded with hollow point bullets, and shoots a coyote that is threatening his daughter’s dog.” Rick Perry in “Fed Up.”

* * * * * *

Fox News’ Bill O’Reilly, opposing free birth control: “Many women who get pregnant are blasted out of their minds when they have sex. They’re not going to use birth control anyway.” (Fox News, 8.29/11)

* * * * * *

“If Karl Rove hadn’t been my consultant, I would not have been Agriculture Commissioner today,” Rick Perry told the Dallas Morning News in 1994. “My brain is like a chicken pot pie. His is like a refrigerator that is all very organized — pickles here, salad there.” (repeated in Politico’s “Is Rick Perry Dumb?” article, 8.29.11)

* * * * * *

Republican presidential candidate Michele Bachmann says the U.S. is “the king daddy dog” of energy resources, but we can’t claim our energy riches because of “radical environmentalists.”(Politico, 8.28.11)

* * * * * *

“I’ll work every day to try to make Washington, D.C. as inconsequential in your life as I can!” Rick Perry to numerous TV cameras and reporters in South Carolina.

* * * * * *

In his 2008 book “On My Honor,” Rick Perry compared homosexuality to alcoholism.  (Washington Post, 8.24.11)

* * * * * *

“Rick Perry is an idiot.” Republican consultant Bruce Bartlett (Politico, 8.19.11)

* * * * * *

“It’s just a good thing I can’t pack a gun on the Senate floor,” Sen. Tom Coburn, R-Okla., said. (Tulsa World, 8.18.11)

* * * * * *

“I’ll tell you what, he makes me sound like a moderate!” Ron Paul, referring to Rick Perry’s presidential campaign. (Texas Tribune, 8.18.11)

* * * * *

It would be “treasonous” if Chairman Ben Bernanke tried to use Federal Reserve policy to stimulate the economy before the election, Texas Governor Rick Perry said at a campaign stop in Iowa. (multiple sources, 8.16.11)

* * * * *

“Take a look at his record when he was governor; take a look at my record,” Rick Perry said of Mitt Romney, adding, “Give him my love.” (New York Times, 8.15.11)

* * * * * *

“Rick Perry is such a leader!” Lieut. Gov. and U.S. Senate Candidate David Dewhurst (Texas Tribune, 8.10.11)

* * * * * *

“I know everything is on the record these days, but please just don’t broadcast images of her in her casual clothes.” Michele Bachmann’s press secretary to the candidate’s traveling press corps (New Yorker, 8/9/11)

* * * * * *

“I’d rather be a hobbit than a troll,” said Sen. Rand Paul, R-Ky., during the Congressional debt-ceiling debate. (Atlanta Journal-Constitution, 7.31.11)

* * * * *

“To not pass the federal marriage amendment would impinge on Texas and other states not to have gay marriage forced upon them by these activist judges, these special interest groups.” Rick Perry, walking back his OK for New York’s gay marriage law. (Texas Tribune, 7.28.11)

* * * * * *

“It’s Congress that does the spending. The president is prohibited to do that. If he had the power to do that he would effectively be a dictator,” said Rep. Michele Bachmann in an interview about raising the debt ceiling. (CNN, 7.28.11)

* * * * * *

“There’s nothing worse than running a disastrous campaign and tarnishing your reputation.” Rick Perry advisor Dave Carney (Houston Chronicle, 7.26.11)

* * * * * *

Former presidential candidate Donald Trump explains Republican strategy on the debt ceiling: “The fact is, unless the Republicans get 100% of what they want, and that may include getting rid of Obamacare, which is a total disaster, then they should not make a deal other than a minor extension which would take you before the election which would ensure Obama doesn’t get elected, which would be a great thing.” (Fox News, 7.25.11)

* * * * * *

“So Governor Perry, if a state wanted to allow polygamy or if they chose to deny heterosexuals the right to marry, would that be OK too?” Republican presidential contender Rick Santorum (Des Moines Register, 7.24.11)

* * * * * *

“I appreciate anybody that’s going to endorse me, whether it’s on The Response or whether it’s on a potential run for the presidency of the United States. Just because you endorse me doesn’t mean I endorse everything that you say or do.” Gov. Perry, responding to criticism of his association with the American Family Association (Texas Tribune, 7.21.11)

* * * * *

Asked about potential cuts to agriculture subsidies, Michele Bachmann said, “You know who doesn’t deserve government money? Black people!” Bachmann’s own family farm, by the way, has received $260,000 in subsidies over the years. (Washington Post, 7.19.11)

* * * * *

“I’m not ready to tell you that I’m ready to announce that I’m in. But I’m getting more and more comfortable every day that this is what I’ve been called to do. This is what America needs.” Rick Perry not announcing in the Des Moines Register (7.16.11)

* * * * *

“I am offering to broker the debt compromise. I’ll go down there. I’m ready to answer the call. Because I’m looking out for you. Not some crazed ideology or political party.” Fox News host Bill O’Reilly. (Politico, 7.14.11)

* * * * *

Pastor John Benefiel, a sponsor of Perry’s prayer summit The Response, says America is “under a curse from God” because the country possesses monuments to pagan idols. One of those idols, he says, is the Statue of Liberty, which he calls “a demonic idol.’”(Texas Tribune, 7.13.11)

* * * * *

“He sticks to his guns — and you know how I feel about guns!” Sarah Palin professing her admiration for Rick Perry. (The Hill, 7.6.11)

* * * * *

“A real black man is not timid about making the right decisions. It is documented that his mother was white and his father was from Africa. If he wants to call himself black, fine. If he wants to call himself African American, fine. I’m not going down this color road.” Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain, who is black, going down that “color road” in criticizing President Obama. (NY Times Magazine, 7.3.11)

* * * * *

“The Legislature took the action they felt necessary. The governor does not micro manage every single bill that goes before the House and the Senate.” Perry spokesman Mark Miner, trying to explain the Governor’s support for sanctuary cities after previously supporting more enlightened immigration reform.

* * * * *

“As an American citizen and governor of one of its largest states, I write to applaud your recent efforts to warn and discourage those who have supported or plan to support a flotilla intended to interfere with Israel’s maritime blockade of the Gaza Strip. More importantly, I write to encourage you to aggressively pursue all available legal remedies to enjoin and prevent these illegal actions, and to prosecute any who may elect to engage in them in spite of your preemptive efforts.” June 28 letter from Rick Perry to US Attorney General Eric Holder. Now he’s a foreign policy expert. Does anyone really believe Perry wrote this letter? Really?

* * * * *

Rep. Ron Paul (R-Texas) said Monday that bankruptcy could be the best solution for the United States to address its mounting debt. He’s running for President, don’t forget. (The Hill, 6.29.11)

* * * * *

“If you don’t support the death penalty and citizens packing a pistol, don’t come to Texas,” Rick Perry says in his book “Fed Up.”

* * * * *

“I have a titanium spine.” Rep. Michele Bachmann on her qualifications for running for President (NY Times, 6.26.11)

* * * * *

“The Rio Grande Valley is changing and we must change with it,” said Rep. Aaron Peña, announcing his re-election campaign as a Republican after being elected a Democrat in the heavily Democratic Rio Grande Valley and then flipping to Republican against the will of his constituents.

* * * * *

“This is, in my opinion, a conscious effort on the part of the left, who has a huge influence on our curriculum, to desensitize America to what American values are so they are more pliable to the new values that they would like to impose on America,” (Presidential contender Rick Santorum, on a new survey that showed only 12 percent of high school students are proficient in history. (Huffington Post, 6.22.11)

* * * * *

“This is an individual issue, and the state needs to interpose in between the egregious violation of their person and the federal government.” Rep. David Simpson (R-Longview), speaking in a new language on behalf of his proposed TSA “anti-groping” bill. (WFAA, 6/21/11)

* * * * *

“He never talks about his faith,” Rick Perry spokesman Mark Miner said, when asked to comment on the governor’s total church contribution of $90 last year. (AP, 6/21/11)

* * * * *

“Your tax dollar is going to take our young people and train them in how to perform alternative sex methods.” Rep. Wayne Christian, arguing against state support for LGBT support centers on university campuses. (YouTube, 6/17/11)

* * * * *

“When I look at a bill, I ask, is it contrary to the Bible?” Freshman Tea Party Republican Rep. James White of Lufkin. (Texas Observer, 6.17.11)

* * * * *

“What we did with the map was fair and legal. We’re probably going to go to the courts and decide whether we’re right in that issue.” House Redistricting Committee Chair Burt Solomons. (Texas Tribune, 6.14.11) OK, so … it’s “fair and legal?” Or maybe not.

* * * * *

And when asked on Fox News about criticism he has received in Texas, Rick Perry had this to say: “The prophet is generally not loved in their hometown.” (Fox News, 6.14.11)

* * * * *

At Monday night’s Republican presidential debate, candidate Michele Bachmann proposed an “American Idol” contest to select a vice-presidential partner for the winning nominee. She didn’t appear to be kidding. (Huffington Post, 6.13.11)

* * * * *

“The AFA is a group that promotes faith and strong families,” said Rick Perry of the American Family Association, which is co-sponsoring his Aug. 6 prayer event in Houston. The AFA describes homosexuality as “a moral blight” and links public acceptance of gays and lesbians to “the increasing ungodliness and depravity assaulting our nation.” (NYT, 6/12/11)

* * * * *

“I don’t know that that’s necessarily bad. It gives areas more diversity and more representation on their issues.” Rep. Burt Solomons, attempting to justify splitting Travis County into five Congressional districts. (American-Statesman, 6.10.11)

* * * * *

* * * * *

You know what the Arab League is? Saudi Arabia and a couple … and by the way, I have many friends in Saudi Arabia. They buy apartments from me all the time.” Donald Trump struggling to maintain a train of thought at the Faith and Freedom Coalition in DC (CNN, 6.3.11)

* * * * *

 

“We come here to work. We don’t come here to be show horses.”

Gov. Rick Perry

grandstanding at Monday’s Memorial Day legislative session.

* * * * *

“Well, of course it’s a war on birth control and abortions and everything. That’s what family planning is supposed to be about.” Rep. Wayne Christian (R- Center) YouTube 5.27.11

* * * * *

“I worship the ground that (House Budget Committee Chair) Paul Ryan walks on.” Former Vice President Dick Cheney said in praise of the GOP leader’s Medicare plan. (5.26.11, Houston Chronicle)

* * * * *

“We aren‘t even prohibiting the pat-downs, per se. We‘re just saying you can‘t go straight to third base,” says state Rep. David Simpson (R-Longview) in support of the “anti-groping” bill.

* * * * *

“This bill was about standing up for the people of Texas,” said Sen. Dan Patrick (R-Houston) of his “intrusive touching” bill that would prevent security checks at airports and other public buildings. The Senate rejected the bill after federal officials threatened to close airports if the measure became law. (Texas Tribune, 5.25.11)

* * * * *

“The fact is that 95 percent of the contraceptives on the market kill the baby in the womb.” Jim Sedlak, American Life League (Seattle Times)

* * * * *

“John McCain doesn’t understand how enhanced interrogation works,” said Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum of the Arizona Senator, who was imprisoned and tortured during the Vietnam War.

* * * * *

“Right now, Texans have to go out of state to do noodling. If this bill passes, they will be able to noodle at home in Texas.” State Sen. Robert “Doodle” Deuell in support of a bill to allow people to legally catch catfish by hand.

* * * * *

“Who wouldn’t love Rush Limbaugh to say nice things about you?” David Carney, a senior Perry political adviser (now working for Newt Gingrich’s troubled presidential campaign) said of Limbaugh’s recent touting of Perry for Prez.

* * * * *

“The federal government was created by the states to be an agent for the states, not the other way around,” Rick Perry told a group of national Republicans, adding that the 2012 presidential election would “center on state sovereignty” and limited intervention from Washington. “The things they are supposed to be doing, all too often, they are failures at. All the other things they decided they know best in, and are forcing themselves upon the state, they need to get out of.” (Dallas Morning News, 5.17.11)

* * * * *

“My potential candidacy continues to be validated by ranking at the top of the Republican contenders in polls across the country. I maintain the strong conviction that if I were to run, I would be able to win the primary and ultimately, the general election.” Donald Trump, announcing that he will not run for President (CBS News, 5.16.11)

* * * * *

“I plan on making an announcement very quickly. I don’t want to dwindle (sic) on this, but we’re just beginning to process this information.” Rep. Paul Ryan (R-Wisc.) on whether he will run for the Senate in the wake of Democrat Herb Kohl’s announced retirement. (5.15.11 CNN)

* * * * *

“I am the least racist person there is. And I think most people who know me would tell you that. I’ve had great relationships. In fact, Randal Pinkett won ‘The Apprentice’ a couple of years ago.” Presidential contender Donald Trump, who spent months demanding that President Obama prove that he is a natural-born American citizen. (Fox News 5.9.11)

* * * * *

The Senate approved a bill, dubbed “The Pork-Chopper,” that would allow landowners with feral hogs to sell helicopter seats to hunters who want to help them get rid of the destructive animals on their property. (Texas Tribune 5.11.11)

* * * * *

Gov. Perry says virtually the entire state of Texas is on fire! How did we miss this? Why didn’t we smell the smoke? In griping about the federal aid situation, Perry claims that 252 of Texas’ 254 counties are “disaster areas” because of wildfires — including Travis County. Oh, and he describes wildfires as any fire on land. (5.10.11 Houston Chronicle)

* * * * *

“For all of us that chew tobacco, it’s a damn good thing.” Rep. Allan Ritter, R-Nederland, on House bill 2599, which lowers taxes on cancer-causing chewing tobacco. (America-Statesman 5/5/11)

* * * * *

“My friends, this is a complete and total hoax. Where is the body? My White House sources nine years ago, on record, confirmed that he had been killed and was frozen on ice.” Alex Jones, right-wing radio host after President Obama announced the killing of bin Laden. (CNN 5.5.11)

* * * * *

“I’d have them maybe check back maybe with the people that appoint them before I got crossways with the electorate.” Gov. Rick Perry, responding to police chiefs across the state (including Austin’s Art Acevedo!) who oppose the sanctuary cities bill. PS: Is he speaking English?

* * * * *

“I may be inspired to wear my cowboy hat!” said Sen. Dan Patrick (R-Houston) on the likelihood that the combined House and Senate abortion sonogram bill will be the first of the so-called “emergency items” to reach Governor Perry’s desk. (5.4/11 Texas Tribune)

* * * *

“A third of all the young people in America are not in America today because of abortion,” said Republican presidential contender Rick Santorum, attempting to explain what he sees as the cause of unstable demographic trends affecting Social Security. (3/30/11 NY Daily News)

* * * *

“Why doesn’t the hospital listed on the birth certificate have a plaque on the door commemorating Obama’s birth there?” said Rep. Leo Berman (R-Tyler), discounting the validity of President Obama’s newly released long-form birth certificate. Waving what he claimed was a just-received copy of Obama’s birth certificate from Kenya, he continued, “The one from Mombassa even has a footprint on it, like a human footprint.” (Texas Tribune, 4/27/11)